文书对美本本科申请非常重要，今天高途留学为大家整理了哈佛大学本科申请文书范文系列文章，帮助大家书写文书，今天先来看看哈佛大学本科申请文书范文—2022录取文书范文（三）。

哈佛大学本科申请文书范文—2022录取文书范文（三）

英文范文原文

Sophia's Essay：“Black Eyeliner Does Not Make You a Nonconformist”

Several years ago, my mother told me I listen to “white people music.” And I suppose that’s true—rock 'n' roll tends to spring from the middle-class basements of young, white men. Though I did point out that its origins trace back to jazz musicians of the Harlem Renaissance. Also that one of the greatest guitarists of all time—dear Mr.Hendrix; may he rest in peace—was black.

My devotion to punk rock began in seventh grade, when Green Day’s “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” came up on my iTunes shuffle. I started to look into their other releases, eventually immersing myself into the complete punk discography. My mother, having grown up

in a racially segregated New York, was more likely to listen to Stevie Wonder than Stevie Nicks.

But, she must have figured, to each her own. So while my compatriots indulged in the music of Taylor Swift, One Direction, and Lady

Gaga, my tacky Hot Topic headphones blasted Green Day, Ramones, and The Clash. My young adolescent ears drank in the raw, chaotic beauty, an echo of the pain of the past. The thrashing, pulsating vitality of the instruments painted a picture, connecting me to the disillusioned kids who launched an epic movement of liberation some 40 years ago.

Punkers question authority. Aggressively contrarian, they advocate for the other side—the side that seemed smothered silent during the post-Vietnam era. They rejected the established norms. They spoke out and weren’t afraid.

I had always felt different from my peers. In my girls’s prep school, the goal was to be blond and good at soccer. I was neither, which automatically deemed me “uncool”. I had a few close friends but never felt like I was part of a whole.

Then came the punk philosophy, for the outliers, for those who were different. That was something I could be part of.

Instead of trying to conform to my peers, I adopted an anti-conformist attitude. Much like the prematurely gray anti-hero of my favorite book, I sneered at all the “phonies” around me. I resented anything popular. Uggs? Wouldn’t buy them. Yoga pants? Never. Starbucks?Well, I could make a few concessions.

But I felt more cynical than liberated. I wasted so much energy on being different than I lost track of what actually made me happy. I insisted I didn’t care what people thought of me, which was true. Yet if I based my actions almost solely on their behavior, how could I deny their influence?

Luckily, as I transitioned from a private school to a brand new public high school, I got to clean the slate. I bought yoga pants and found they were comfortable. I listened to a wide variety of music, even the eh kind that wasn’t 100% hardcore punk. And I was happier.

I revised my punk philosophy: Do as you like—whether it fits into the “system” or not.

The Beatles’s “Revolution” lyrics sum it up well:

You tell me it’s the institution

Well, you know

You’d better free your mind instead

What I think Lennon was getting at is questioning everything does not entail opposing everything. Defiance for the sake of defiance is unproductive at best, destructive at worst. I believe in life’s greater Truths, like Love and Justice. These Truths are what should govern my actions—not what’s popular and what isn’t. Striving to act on these ideals has helped me stay true to myself, regardless of what’s considered “conformist."

Perhaps I’ve failed the punk movement. We’ll have to wait and see. In the meantime, I’ll do what makes me happy and change what doesn’t. I’ll wear Doc Martens instead of Uggs; I’ll partake in a grande pumpkin spice latte; I’ll watch Gossip Girl; I’ll blare my favorite guitar solo over the speakers in my room.

And that’s as punk as it gets.

教授点评：

Professional Review by The Art of Applying

From the snarky title and fiery opening, I was immediately drawn in. I and many people on our team at The Art of Applying® grew up as one of the few students of color in our honors classes, being told we liked “white people things.”

When you write about very specific personal experiences you’ve had, you can strike an emotional chord and connection with people who have similar experiences, and you can simultaneously intrigue people who have had vastly different experiences.

The student’s response to her mother’s assertion and the level of knowledge the student demonstrates about punk rock’s origins and political context show that she doesn’t just enjoy punk music passively as a fan; she was curious enough to research and learn about its historical roots, and confident enough to offer a contradictory viewpoint about what punk music is and who it is and isn’t for.

I enjoyed reading the journey of how the student’s interest in punk rock blossomed from an interest into a passion and eventually an identity. Don’t just tell us the beginning and the end of a personal growth journey; show us the messy middle too.

The student concisely depicts a vivid image of her outsider status in her private school without villainizing the other students. She also uses humor and wordplay well when she makes a concession for enjoying Starbucks.

A turning point in the essay comes when the student starts questioning whether her staunchly nonconformist identity is serving her. This shows an even deeper level of self reflection and personal growth.

While including quotes and lyrics in your essay can divert attention from your own words to a famous person’s, the student effectively uses the lyrics as a launching point for further reflection.

The conclusion is strong in that we see a person who has embraced all sides of herself rather than stubbornly clinging to a rigid image of nonconformity.

It ends in the same confident, energetic voice I grew to love throughout the piece, and the final sentences read like a glorious mic drop.

This essay is an excellent example to learn from if you want to write about how one of your passions spurred personal growth, struggles with fitting in, changing your mind about who you are, and/or getting clear on your values.

点评批注：

文章极具吸引力的开头，立刻可以吸引读者的注意。当你写下非常具体的个人经历时，你可以与有类似经历的人产生情感共鸣和联系，同时也可以引起那些有着截然不同经历的人的兴趣。

这名学生以对她母亲的观点做出回应，以及她对朋克摇滚起源和政治背景的了解程度，表明她并不只是被动地享受朋克音乐;她有足够的好奇心去研究和了解朋克音乐的历史根源，也有足够的信心去提出一个矛盾的观点。

招生委员会的教授喜欢阅读这篇文章的其中一点是，这个学生表现出如何从对朋克摇滚的兴趣发展到热情，最终eventually an identity.。不要只告诉招生官，个人成长旅程的开始和结束;也要展现出成长过程中复杂，混乱的部分。

这名学生简洁地描述了她在私立学校格格不入身份的生动形象，但并没有诋毁其他学生。

当学生开始质疑自己并不是很墨守成规的身份，是否对她有益时，这篇文章的转折点出现了。这显示了更深层次的自我反省和个人成长。

虽然在文章中引用名言和歌词可以将注意力从你自己的话语转移到名人的话语上，但学生可以有效地利用歌词作为进一步思考的出发点。

这篇文章是强有力的，因为我们看到一个学生展现了自己的方方面面，而不是固执地坚持一个刻板的形象。

结尾以同样自信、充满活力的声音结束，使读者在整首曲子中逐渐爱上了这种声音，最后几句读起来就像一个辉煌的麦克风落下的声音。